Phone Fetish

Dear Terry & Deborah,

My wife has an odd fetish with the phone that I am very concerned about. Whenever the phone rings, no matter what we're doing, be it intercourse or dining, she's always drawn to the phone. Do you think it's something wrong with her or is it me? Help!

-- Dead Pedal

Dear Dead,

Thank you for writing. You wife is a CIA operative. The only other explanation is that her mother does not want any more grandkids. I’m not quite sure this qualifies as a fetish, but it certainly is a problem. I am going to assume that you have, in one way or another, discussed her peculiar and bothersome habit. If this has not had the desired outcome, it’s time to make a bargain. No doubt, you have some idiosyncrasy that drives her equally crazy. Promise to never leave the toilet seat up if she will agree to put her phone on mute during your special time together; then hold her to it.

-- Terry

Dear Dead Pedal,

Sad. We are getting so attached to our phones that it's hard to put them down. It seems that almost no matter what we are doing, people are encouraging us to participate. Starbucks wants you to pay for your coffee with your smart phone, Kellogg's cereals offer codes for music downloads. Everywhere we turn. we see QR codes. Radio and television personalities ask us to participate in Twitter. Although one of the places that we've always been told to STAY OFF THE PHONE used to be our neighborhood restaurants, now even they want us to "check in" on Facebook. I strongly believe this attachment to our electronic media is rewiring our brains ... and not in a good way.

But in bed? Unless you're doing something seriously wrong, you need to have a talk with your wife! Have this talk outside of the bedroom, preferrably when you are both in a good mood and away from any electronic distractions. I hope that she will agree that there are certain times and places that cell phones should be off limits: restaurants, theaters, and between the sheets.

-- Deborah